St James’ Park in London a few weeks ago
As I write this, I’m contemplating the future and how to achieve my dreams. In fact – it’s knowing which direction to take. In the space of a couple of years, I have started to pursue many different paths (journalism… accounting… biology…) before rushing back to the (rather cluttered) drawing board, ever unsure. I’ve spent a long time nursing my spinning head, desperately trying to find a path that is ‘for me’.
The one dream that I have had, that has actually been consistent since my school days (aside from being a full-time blogger!) is to be involved in publication – specifically women’s magazines. I have, and have always had, a great interest in everything in the territory – feature writing, health and beauty, style, photography, graphic design. This is inevitable, really; I’ve been reading glossies religiously since my teenage years. What has been a real barrier for me is my location – residing in a little townland (which I would name but you would most certainly have never heard of!) in the countryside in Northern Ireland certainly has very limited opportunities. Even considering NI as a whole, there is significantly little in that field of work. But that shouldn’t stop anyone in pursuit of their dreams!
I compromised by accepting that there isn’t that kind of work here, and sought to find something else instead. I got caught up in what I call Status Anxiety – I wanted to be a ‘Journalist’, an ‘Accountant’, an Allied Health Professional. Something that sounded rather professional, and carried importance and recognition. Don’t get me wrong – the want behind each idea was genuine at the time, but short-lived, and my reasons were skin deep. Working for the NHS served to fuel this desire – I am surrounded by health and social care professionals on a daily basis, who I admire. I wanted to feel validated that I was somebody, and that I was clever enough to earn a professional title or role. I’ve since caught myself on…!
Of course I want to feel proud in my work (and to make my folks proud), but that shouldn’t mean travelling down roads that are not meant for you, just for the sake of it. Saying that, in a way I’m glad I have – it’s closed off those roads and I can tick them off as ‘not for me’. Acceptance sets you free.
Now, to pursue the road that is for me… that is something that takes courage! I really love the quote “Great things never come from comfort zones”, I think there’s a lot of truth in it and I do believe that those who take risks and push themselves beyond their comfort zones are rewarded and reap the benefits. So I’m currently looking into things and doing a little bit of planning for this year… Wish me luck…! x
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